Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Question & Answer Session

Allow me to answer some FAQ's that we received while we were awaiting approval.  They will help you understand our upcoming circumstances.

Q:  Do you have any say in what baby you receive? {gender, race, health, etc.}
A:  Yes.  We can be as specific as we want in our preferences.  We could say we want a Hispanic boy, but that will limit what birthparents look at our profile.  We stated we were open to any race and either gender, and we wanted a healthy baby.  Healthy in broad terms.  We were willing to consider some situations outside of the ideal pregnancy.

Q:  Will you know when a birthmother is looking at your profile?
A:  Yes.  We will receive an email called a circular.  I don't know why they're called a circular other than the fact that it circulates among all the approved adoptive families.  The Bethany case worker working with the birthmother, and sometimes father, writes up the circular including all of the information they have gleaned during their time with her.  It begins with information about the baby, due date and gender if known.  It then gives details about the birthmother {age, race, marital status, physical description, education level, work experience, other children she has, hobbies, religious affiliation, personality, attitude toward adoption, and the nature or relationship with the birthfather}.  Then it provides all of that same information for the birthfather if it is known.  There is a brief description of extended birthfamily, a family medical history, and reason for considering adoption.  It gives prenatal care information, any medications, alcohol/drug use, and any high risk factors involved.  Finally, it lays out the birthmother's desire for openness and any preferences she has for the adoptive family.

Chris and I will read through the circular and decide if we would like the birthmother to consider our profile. If we say yes to a circular, we are essentially saying that we would be willing to adopt that particular baby.

Q:  How many profiles does a birthparent look at at one time?
A:  There were approximately 25 total families that were receiving the circulars.  However, a birthmom could look at 3 profiles or 12.  It just depends how many families respond to a circular.

Q:  How will you know that you've been chosen?
A:  After a birthparent makes their decision, our case worker, Liz, would email the families who had not been chosen, thanking them for their willingness to show their profile.  If a birthparent chooses us, Liz will call us with the good news.

Q:  Will you meet the birthparents?
A:  Yes, there is almost always a meeting between the birthparent and adoptive parents.

Q:  Where will the birthmom be at in her pregnancy?
A:  She could pursue adoption at any point in her pregnancy.  Some during their 5th month.  Some contact Bethany days before their due date.

Q:  Will you get to go to the hospital?
A:  The birthmom writes out a Hospital Plan with her case worker detailing her wishes for what she would like the hospital experience to look like.  It is completely up to her.

Q:  When will you get to bring the baby home?
A:  We will bring the baby home straight from the hospital once it is discharged.

Q:  Is there a chance that you could bring a baby home and then the birthparent change their mind?
A:  Yes.  Until the parental rights are terminated, the birthparent can change their mind.  The court date for termination of rights is usually 6-8 weeks after the baby is born.  {This is specific to Michigan.}

I liked having answers for people.  I liked knowing what to expect.  I only had these answers because I had asked Liz all of these questions.  My heart was excited and anxious.  What would our circulars say?  Which ones would we say yes to?  Would there be ones that we would say no?  What would our birthmom be like?  Would it be a last minute delivery or would we have time to prepare?  And what would our little baby be like?

I guess I didn't have all of the answers, but we would alot sooner than we expected.

More to come,


  1. Well, since it's question and answer time, I have a question in regards to something you said when you were first going to the initial Bethany group meeting...(this is all my paraphase) you said that you were really excited and thought everyone in the room would be too, but they weren't and it was kind of a drab crowd. I was just wondering why you think everyone else was excited to be there as well?

  2. I assume you meant to say why everyone else WASN'T excited? I honestly don't know. Part of it could be Michigan culture. Maybe I was expecting extra friendly, personable Texans to be at the meeting, and instead I found reserved, quiet Michiganders. Maybe they all had a hard day at work, it was 7 o'clock at night.

    Maybe they were scared about starting the adoption process. I know people that are very hesitant. For what reasons? I'm not sure. There is no reason to shy away. Maybe they were coming off of a difficult year like us and unlike me, weren't excited about spending more time, money, and emotions on this process. Some of them could have been there simply to get information and not necessarily begin the adoption process.

    I just know I could barely wipe the grin off of my face while we were sitting there {as Chris crunched on his snack}.

    1. oh yeah, i did mean to say "wasn't excited" good thing you know how to read in context. i think the cultural difference between Michigan and Texas is a good one... I was just curious about that, I just imagined going to a preliminary meeting about adoption that everyone would be all smiles and excitement like you were. Thanks for the Q and A!

  3. I have a question for you! My husband and I are starting our adoption journey and I am wanting to know at what point did you go buy a crib and carseat and all that? I know that your baby could come at anytime depending on the birthmom, but you want to be somewhat prepared without going overboard and into possible dissapointment... Thanks and I love your blog!!! Very helpful!

    1. Renee- SO excited for you and your husband. Have as much fun as you can with the process. You're going to get a baby, you just don't know when. That's awesome!

      I went overboard! My mind set was "We are expecting, so why not live like it?" If I found a good deal on something, I got it. I am never one to pass up on a bargain. We started out by buying things that we didn't imagine others buying for us. So we started with the nursery. We bought our crib and furniture early on, before our home study interviews were even finished. I knew that the nursery wasn't something I wanted to do last minute. I wanted it to be ready and waiting.

      In a future post, I will talk about my Last Minute List. This was a list of things we would absolutely need were we to get a call tomorrow. It had big and small items, car seat and swaddling blankets. We had everything but some gender specific items I wanted when we got "the call." Again, I'll talk more about this in future posts. Hope this helped for now.