Thursday, January 5, 2012

Proceed With Caution

First of all, I have heard from many of you lovely single ladies out there, and you have unanimously said that you too are being asked these horrid questions.  Shame on us.  Is there no tact in the world?  May we learn to be less nosey and more thoughtful when interacting with others.

Now, back to our story.

Don't be confused.  Chris had just agreed to go to an informational meeting.  He had not said we were going to adopt.  I knew that about him.  He does not like the whoa-man to get too far out ahead of the man.  We had been dating for two years in college when my lease was up for my one bedroom apartment that I had been living in for about a year.  If we were going to get engaged, then I would renew the lease and we would live there together once we were married.  If not, then it was sianara shweetheart, and I needed to make some plans for moving.  I tried, in the most round-about way, to ask Chris if I should renew my lease, thus avoiding asking him straight out if he was going to propose.  He had nothing to do with my questioning.  He practically stayed silent, or he would say something like, "Let's just wait."  Um, there is no waiting in lease renewing and moving.  He hated that I was even asking.  Again, the whoa-man getting out a little too far ahead of the man.  So I knew he had agreed to a meeting and nothing else, and I should not ask about anything else until he brought it up himself.

You may be further confused about why he had to decide whether or not we should adopt a baby.  Didn't you just spend years pursuing a child?  What else is there to decide?  Anyone who has gone through fertility treatments of any kind will tell you it is exhausting.  Most couples decide they want a baby, they do "the deed" {wink, wink}, and they get pregnant.  Then there's the couples that aren't even trying and they get pregnant {Grrr}.  Trying to get pregnant when it doesn't come naturally is exhausting.  Broken record!  Your relationship goes from, "Oh, you're my best friend.  I love you.  Let's go hug and kiss."  to a business meeting that you have to be at and you know there is a chance of it going badly.  Spontaneity?  Ha!  Everything is timed, planned, calculated, and you're so chalk full of hormones your husband can't remember the last time you were all that appealing.  One month I had three times the progesterone in my body that a woman should have.

Who knew what kinds of challenges adoption was going to bring.  I've heard horror stories of failed adoptions that break your heart.  We were not jumping into this expecting sunshine and roses.  Chris had to wrestle with whether or not we should jump into yet another opportunity that would, yet again, cost our time, money, and emotions.

On January 4th, he came home for lunch, and we had a long talk about everything I just explained to you.  It was one of those rare conversations in marriage where there is absolutely no tension, and the two of us have a team mentality rather than one of opponents.  We talked through what all would change in our life and how a baby would change us, as a couple and individuals.  Talking through all the potentials got Chris excited.  He said, "Ya know I have wanted to adopt all along."  True statement.  He had.  I was thinking, "Soooo?"  Chris uttered, "I think we should adopt a baby."

More to come,


  1. thank you for sharing your story and the journey you two have gone through and it is a blessing to have such a special little one in your lives and I am so happy for you both and I will keep reading as well=)

  2. SO cool to hear your "thoughts" when you wanted to take over and yet had to reign yourself in! Reminds me of Genesis after the fall, "your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you". I feel like we all have to hold back and let our men lead. "Whoa-man" <---that's funny! Thanks for sharing your story Amanda. I shared the link with a hurting friend who has struggled with some of the same things. I hope your story will encourage her!

  3. I love your guys' story so far! cant wait to read more. :) Thank you so much for being willing to share this part of your life!

  4. Oh my goodness! I didn't know you blog! TOO much fun finding you Amanda!!! You are my sunshine was totally our favorite song, too! I have so much to catch up on and am now your newest follower! Love that!!!

    As for the tea party, we started it when she turned TWO and those pictures are some of my forever favorite. Some of the girlfriends we only see once a year now at the tea party and it's just so special!!! We change it up a bit each year and I'll DEFINITELY talk about that more soon!

    Amelia Rose is PRECIOUS! I'm so excited for you!!!

    XO, Aimee