A Healthy Dose of Sobriety

I was giddy as I received and read each circular.  My smile came naturally, and I would intermittently squeal as I came across an exciting detail.  I had the child named as soon as we responded.  Until we heard that we had not been chosen, I lived as if we could be and could receive this child in a matter of days, weeks, or months.  I couldn't hold my excitement in and would break out into song or dance spontaneously.  It was thrilling, that is until we received our fifth circular in June.

It was June 28th around dinner time.  I approached it like every other email we had received thus far, giddy and squealing.  Chris was in position on the couch and I proceeded with the reading.  A baby girl.  Due in a couple of months.  I read through the details about the birthmother with anticipation to finish the email and say "yes," when my words were stopped and I literally could not go on.  Tears rushed to my eyes, and I began sobbing.  I couldn't squeak another word out.  Chris looked perplexed and waited patiently for me to continue.  I eventually caught my breath, but my crying continued as I read aloud a heart-wrenching situation.

You see, a number of circulars we had received up until then involved birthmothers who were in need of help, and I say this with sincere sympathy, because of careless choices they had made.  That didn't affect our desire to help them in any way.  The email I was reading involved a young lady who was facing circumstances that immediately broke my heart.  It was possibly the first time in my life where compassion came so easily and so quickly, in a moment.  Regardless of if I ever received this birthmother's child, I wanted to meet her and hug her.

All excitement was drained out of me, and a part of me didn't want to finish the email.  No more smiles.  No more squeals.  I finished reading and went immediately to the bathroom where I continued to cry.  Chris sat on the couch, equally broken by what we had just read.  When I came back to the living room, we talked about how it was situations like this that motivated us to adopt.  We desired to help a woman in need.  I responded to the email by saying "YES.  Please show our profile to this birthmother."  I wept at the very thought of the situation the next couple days.  I discussed it with a few close friends and would tear up as I spoke about it.  Chris would say, "I really hope she picks us."  "I know sweetie."

On July 1st we headed to Texas for the month.  We waited and waited, but never heard a response.  Two weeks passed by and no news.  The 15th of July was a Friday, and Chris's dad took the day off from work to spend with us.  Chris, his mom and dad, and I headed to one of my favorite shopping centers in Southlake.  We caught an early movie and ate lunch at Cheesecake Factory {obviously a favorite of mine}.  We split up to do some shopping and would meet back together in a couple hours.  Chris and I headed off to browse my favorite stores.  The two hours went quickly, and I decided to pop into one more store before it was time to meet back up.  I headed into LOFT while Chris stayed outside.  The sale was picked over, and I had done enough shopping in Chicago to last a couple seasons.  Unexpectedly, my phone rang.  Over the music in the store I heard Liz's voice, our case worker.  I abandoned the store and waved Chris down.  "It's Liz," I mouthed to him.

She told me that she had just emailed out an urgent circular and was calling families to get quick answers to it.  A woman was in labor, as we spoke, with a baby boy.  She was going to deliver that night and was wanting to look at profiles as soon as possible.  Standing outside the front of the store, Liz walked me through all of the details of the situation, and I simultaneously whispered them to Chris.  She didn't need an immediate answer, but needed one within the hour.  Chris asked, "Does she know anything about the last circular, the baby girl?"  I asked Liz, and she said she hadn't heard anything yet concerning that circular.  What to do?

More to come,
Amanda